When we enter marriage it is with the understanding, all be it a very shallow understanding, that there will be ups and downs. That is one reason the classic marriage vows are written the way they are: “for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
Highs and lows are just the reality of life.
Remember learning to ride a bicycle? Do you remember being told, “look where you are going”? This is important in life as with learning to ride a bicycle because you tend to go toward what you look at.
What direction we move in as a couple will depend in large part on where we are focused.
Here is a date idea I want to propose. It has nothing to do with your activity or location but your conversation. Take some time together and discuss the following.
In your marriage, where are you going?
Before getting to that answer lets look at discovering where you have been and what has been great about that. There is no point in dreaming of a future that is not rooted in reality. The best dreams are those that are based in reality and are possible. No pie in the sky allowed here.
Lets discover the best of what is and go from there.
Think back over your history as a couple. Brainstorm together about your best ever experiences together as a couple. What were they?
When you think about the high points of your relationship, what comes to mind? Talk about those. List the experiences together. Think of times when your unity, love, trust, security, and happiness were at a high point.
Now after listing a few pick one of the best.
This does not necessarily have to be a good time in life. Someone has said that one of the best things about people is that they at their best when things are at their worst. We are not looking for a good or bad situation. We are looking for the best in you as a couple. Maybe it was a bad situation that brought that out, maybe not.
What has been your best experience of being a couple? Describe this in vivid detail.
When was that? What was going on? Who was there? What were you doing? What were you saying, or not saying? What time of day was it? How were you feeling? What did you see? How would you describe yourselves as a couple in this situation? What can you see in this story that gives life to your marriage? What do you value most about your relationship? What is it that made a positive difference in the quality of your marriage?
Let this conversation be the foundation to answer, “Where are we going?”
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”
~ Robert Browning